June 5th 2022. Eek. I have done it. I have submitted my book proposal to Hay House. I hope I sent the right version and I hope there are no typos! Too late to check now...its gone and there is no going back.

I have been writing off and on since Lou died. Starting with brief notes in my phone. I didn't quite know where I was going with it and it kind of evolved with me.  

In fact, it sort of wrote itself. It gained structure when I had the lightbulb moment of having 22 chapters, each headed with one the Major Arcana cards. They are not in order - I start with The Moon... a card of mysterious paths... the unknown. January 2020 certainly was unknown. Lou had been previously well, her death was a huge shock for everyone. She was 22 years old.

The book ends with The World, a card of peace and harmony. I start by saying that "as a bereaved mum, I am unlikely to ever really find peace and harmony...the best I can do is to trust in the Universe".

The book has its sad parts, but overall, my intention is that it is uplifting. I share many crazy synchronicities which have led me to 100% believe that Lou is safe and well. I have seen Lou, felt and heard her since her death- there is no going back, I cannot not have those experiences.

Whilst would love to have a day back in my old world (with Lou here properly)... I can't. My purpose is to help others transform - but without having to lose a child.